


Flowers in the Fray

by paarsetulpen



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Historical, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-15 13:44:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4608966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paarsetulpen/pseuds/paarsetulpen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love doesn't always happen like a strike of lightning. Sometimes it grows slowly and needs to be tended to, like flowers.</p><p>[Canada and Netherlands' relationship following the events of WWII.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my attempt at a history-based NedCan fanfic. They’re my OTP and I don’t feel like there are enough multi-chapter fanfictions that focus on their historical relations. I’ll try to be as accurate as possible but I’m more interested in the characters and their relationship than giving the readers a history lesson, I believe that should be left to textbooks. Anyway, history sources will be at the end of every chapter for reference. The title was inspired by song for 70 the anniversary of the liberation of the Netherlands. Look up “A Flower in the Fray” by The Life of Pearls on YouTube. It’s such a sweet song and it’s perfect for NedCan. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story! :)
> 
> Names: Andries [ahn-drees]=Netherlands

**CHAPTER 1**

**1945, Amsterdam**

The first thing Andries realized was that he was somewhere warm. He found that strange. He was pretty sure he remembered being cold. Then he also realized he was lying on something soft. That made no sense either. He was supposed to be lying on the hard stone floor of the prison cell. Finally, he realized his eyes were closed, so he carefully opened them, his eyelids feeling unusually heavy as he did.

He found himself looking up at a ceiling. It wasn’t the cell’s ceiling, though. He glanced down on himself and the first thing he noticed was the iron railing of the end of the bed he was lying in. He was tucked in with a soft blanket, with his arms wrapped in bandages and resting on his abdomen. There was an IV plugged into his left arm and as he slightly turned his head he could feel there was a bandage wrapped around it as well. A small plastic bag full of clear liquid hung on a metal pole next to his bed. Drops on the liquid went down the tube and into his veins one by one.

He already came to the conclusion that he was in a hospital but he couldn’t remember how he got there. It was daylight outside but the curtains on the window were closed, so the room was coated in a hazy light. He tried to move but his body felt stiff and sore and he let out a small grunt in pain.

 _“What the Hell happened?”_ He thought.

Andries tried to think back. He remembered German soldiers throwing him in prison after they found him helping his people in the resistance, but not before they made an example out of him by beating him to a pulp right there on the spot. That happened on a day in November and although he tried his best to keep track of time in prison, he eventually didn’t know anymore. He also remembered the hunger, a kind of hunger he never felt before. He was used to going without food for a long time, it’s not like he could die from not eating anyway. When he used to be out at sea for months, he’d often offer his share of food to his human companions, since they needed it more. But this time it was different. This time he actually felt like he was going to die of starvation. Later he realized that it was his people’s hunger he was feeling.

Although the beatings and torture continued in the prison, none of that broke him as much as the feeling of him failing his people did.

Then there was a glimmer of hope. He overheard the guards talking about the Allied forces getting closer to the Netherlands. That much he could understand in German. As the weeks went by, the guards sounded more and more desperate and one time when they were talking right outside his cell, Andries made the mistake of laughing. As much as he was weak, hurt and emaciated, he couldn’t stop himself from mocking the fear of his captors. The last thing he could recall was a blow to his head with the end of a rifle and him falling to the cell’s floor before everything turned black.

Andries closed his eyes for a second before opening them again. He felt like he could fall back asleep any second but he wanted to know how he got here. He tried to look around to see if there was someone else around. That’s when he noticed a young man sitting next to his bed on a chair. He must’ve been there for some time, since he was asleep as well, with his arms crossed, his chin-length blonde hair falling into his tan, freckled face and his glasses slightly slid off on his nose as he leaned forward a little. There was a patch on his left cheek and his right hand was in bandages.

Andries wanted to say something to get the young man’s attention but he only managed to get out another grunt. That seemed to be enough though and the other man slowly awoke and raised his head. His eyes went wide when he noticed that Andries was conscious and quickly got up from his seat, fixed his glasses and went to his side.

“You’re awake, thank God.” He said quietly with a wide smile and relief in his voice. “How are you?”

Andries tried to answer but he ended up coughing pretty badly. The blonde man helped him sit up and carefully rubbed Andries’ back until the coughing stopped. Then Andries leaned back against the pillows and the man poured him a glass of water from the carafe on the bedside table.

“Here, drink a little.” He said as he held the glass to Andries’ mouth. Andries took a few gulps before he coughed again and the other took the glass away. He placed his free hand on Andries’ cheek, feeling how warm it was. “You have a fever. Aren’t you cold?”

“A little.” Andries answered with a hoarse voice. At least the water eased the dryness in his throat enough for him to talk again. “But who are you?”

“Matthew Williams.” The young man answered. “But you might remember me more as Canada.”

“Matthew…” Andries mumbled. Of course, Matthew was one of Arthur’s boys and a member of the Allies. Andries knew of Matthew also giving shelter to his princess and her little daughters but it’s been quite a while since he’s seen Matthew face to face.

“Where am I?” He asked.

“In a hospital in Amsterdam.” was Matthew’s answer.

Andries frowned. The prison he was held in was in Scheveningen.

“Did you bring me here?”

Matthew sat back down on his chair and gave a nod.

“Yes. Well actually, I and some of my men did, after we found you in the prison. Then most of them continued north to liberate the rest of your country but they told me I’d be more useful if I stayed here and watched after you. They said that’s my duty as your fellow nation representative.”

Andries blinked in disbelief. Was it really this lanky, mild-mannered kid of whom the Germans were so terrified of?

“It won’t be long until the rest of your country is liberated too.” Matthew continued with a smile. “I have faith in my men.”

The older nation turned his gaze away. He couldn’t bear looking at the patch on Matthew face, which most likely hid a wound he got while fighting for his country, the dark circles under his eyes, which were probably the mark of several sleepless nights and especially the timid but consistent smile that felt out of place under these miserable circumstances. Andries knew he should be thanking Matthew now but he still couldn’t wrap his mind around what the younger nation was doing for him. His men must’ve suffered severe casualties just to come all the way from Normandy to Amsterdam. He never thought someone would ever do something like this for him… Especially someone he wasn’t all that close to.

The first time they met, Matthew was merely a small child, clinging to Francis while the Frenchman introduced his new colony oh so proudly to Andries. While Andries tried to set foot in the North Americas too, he eventually had to give up on that, since he had bigger fish to fry in South America and Asia. After that he only met Matthew a few of times and sporadically, mostly when Matthew was accompanying Arthur on meetings in Europe. Andries wasn’t even sure how Matthew felt about him. If he had to guess, he would have said that the younger nation probably resented him for the damage he caused to his native people during his fur-trading days. Yet, here he was…

Andries instinctively pulled his arm away when he felt it being touched. He looked at Matthew again and saw that he was standing next to him again and pulling his hand back.

“Sorry, you just went quiet and I thought something was wrong…” Matthew apologized with a concerned expression.

Andries sighed.

“Sorry. It’s just… It’s been a while since someone touched me without wanting to hurt me.”

Matthew looked like he hesitated for a moment before he reached out again, placing his hand on Andries’ shoulder and gently squeezed it. His hand was warm and Andries found his touch surprisingly comforting, relaxing even.

“You’re safe now.” Matthew said with a soothing voice. “Do you need anything else?”

Andries wanted to shake his head but it felt rather heavy and sensitive, so he replied instead.

“No. I just want to rest.”

“Okay.” Matthew nodded and stood up. “I have to tell the doctors that you woke up but I’ll come back later.”

Matthew let go of him and slowly walked to the door. Andries followed him with his eyes and just before Matthew could leave the room, he called after him.

“Hey. How long have I been asleep?”

Matthew turned back from the door to answer.

“For a week.”

“And were you by my side the whole time?” Andries asked. He couldn’t really make it out in the dim light but it seemed as if Matthew blushed at that question.

“Yeah… for the most part.” Matthew mumbled before quickly walking out the door.

xxx

During the next few of days, Andries received several visits from his politicians and officers. They were all glad that their nation had finally came to and they even brought him some good news - such as his sister and brother being okay - but they mostly talked to him about the political and military situation of the country and other things which Andries was not in the mood for at all.

Luckily, his supervisors left him alone for the nights, since he still needed to rest and heal. The only ones who were allowed to visit him after six o’clock at night, was the hospital’s staff and Matthew. The younger nation stuck around a lot but always respected Andries’ wish to be alone whenever the Dutchman wanted some space. When Matthew talked to him, it was mostly about how Princess Juliana and her children spent their time in Canada. It did put Andries in a better mood, since he hadn’t really heard from them after he was taken captive by the German soldiers. But eventually, Matthew had to leave every night and Andries was often unable to fall asleep for a long time. He couldn’t stop thinking about how Matthew was able to hold it together and always keep a positive attitude around him, even when knowing that his people were out there fighting in a war. Not to mention that Matthew himself looked exhausted yet he still found the time and energy to visit Andries every day.

One morning, Andries woke up to the sound of loud cheering, shouting and the sound of car horns honking on the streets. He sat up on his bed and stared out the window but since his room was on one of the upper floors, he couldn’t see much. Then the door opened and Matthew came in with a bright expression on his face.

“Matthew… what happened?” Andries asked with confusion.

“The war is over! The Germans surrendered!” Matthew exclaimed and threw his hands in the air. “The war is officially over!”

Andries’ mouth dropped and he turned his head to the window again. This wasn’t a dream, right? The sounds coming from the streets were real and he could feel that long lost strength and hope returning to his mind and body. That sense of his beloved freedom.

“Take me outside.” He stated and started to get out of the bed.

“Eh, what? Hey!” Matthew rushed to his side just in time to catch Andries’ arm before he fell on the floor. “You can’t do that, you’re not strong enough!”

Andries looked at him with determination.

“I have to go to my people. If you won’t help me, I’ll go by myself.” He insisted.

Matthew let out a sigh in defeat.

“Fine. I’ll go get your clothes.” He said and sat Andries back on the bed before leaving the room. He returned with a set of clean clothes, a pair of shoes and Andries’ trademark blue-white striped scarf.

“You have this?” Andries asked in disbelief, staring at the scarf when Matthew handed it to him. “I was sure my home was raided and everything there was burned to the ground.”

“Well, your home was raided. We went to look for you there first and it was a complete mess when we got there.” Matt explained. “But not everything was trashed. I managed to get this out and thought you might want to have it, since I always saw you wearing it.”

Andries shook his head.

“You continue to surprise me.” He admitted. “Would you mind pulling the curtain away while I change?”

“Oh, right.” Matthew said with a small blush and did as Andries asked him to, pulling the curtain around his hospital bed.

“If you need help with anything, I can call a nurse.” He added.

“I’d rather you don’t, she’d probably force me back to bed.” Andries replied with an amused voice. Matthew turned his back on him until he heard Andries pull the curtain away.

“I’m ready.” Andries said. Seeing him all dressed up and determined made Matthew feel like Andries regained some of his old dignity already, despite his face still being thin and pale and his hair hanging messily onto his forehead. Matthew offered him a smile.

“Come, lean on me. The last thing we need is your wounds opening up and start bleeding again.” He said and Andries took the offer, putting his pride aside. While they were going down the stairs, Matthew realized how light Andries actually was, much lighter than one would expect a man of his height to be.

After a few minutes, they reached the crowded streets of Amsterdam. It was a bright, warm afternoon in May. Military trucks full of Canadian soldiers went by on the roads, waving at the citizens of the Dutch capital, who have gathered outside just so they could greet their saviors. Besides the crowds on the street, many were waving and cheering from the houses’ windows as well. Andries looked over them as he and Matthew stood next to each other among his people. Then he turned his gaze to Matthew, whose eyes were fixated on his own people who drove by in the trucks, probably wondering how many of them made it back alive.

“How many of yours were lost?” Andries asked suddenly.

Matthew looked at him.

“Uh… I don’t know exactly yet…”

“Then about how many?”

Matthew hung his head a bit.

“Thousands, probably.”

Andries turned back to the crowd. He knew this wasn’t right. He couldn’t let all of Matthew and his people’s efforts and sacrifices be forgotten. He turned back to Matthew and reached out to cup his chin and gently lifted his head, making Matthew look at him again. He let him go before he spoke.

“I will never forget this day and I promise I’ll find a way to repay you for everything.” He said solemnly.

Matthew blinked a few times in surprise.

“Oh no, you really don’t have to.” He said, shaking his head. “I didn’t do this for a reward…”

“Well, that’s too bad…” Andries interfered. “…because you just saved the guy who always pays his debts.”

xxx

A few days after the liberation, Matthew was getting ready to go home. He knew that the images of this war were going to stay with him for a long time, just like the previous one did, but it still felt almost unbelievable that it was over. However, that didn’t mean his job was over too. What he considered the hardest part was still yet to come – visiting the families of those who had fallen and give them his condolences.

But before he left, he wanted to say goodbye to Andries. When he walked into the hospital room, he saw Andries was up already, packing his belongings into a suitcase. There were still some bandages on his arms and a patch on his forehead but other than that, he seemed to be doing better. Sure, he was scrawny but with food supplies coming into his country again, he should be able to gain back the weight he lost in no time.

“Hey, they’re letting you leave already?” Matthew asked as he walked inside.

“Not really…” Andries shook his head as he folded another shirt and put it into the suitcase. “…but I need to go.”

Matthew raised an eyebrow.

“What do mean? Where do you need to go?”

“The Japanese army took control of Dutch East-Indies. I’m going to reclaim what is mine.” Andries explained and he shut the suitcase closed.

“What?! You just survived one war and you’re going to start another?” Matthew exclaimed in dismay.

“Don’t worry, there won’t be a war. East-Indies is rightfully my colony; she should come back to me peacefully.” Andries said with certainty and picked up his suitcase, walking past Matthew towards the exit.

“B-but what if she doesn’t want to go back to you?” Matthew asked, going after Andries. “What if she’ll resist? You’re not exactly in a position to force anyone into doing anything right now.”

Andries suddenly stopped and turned back.

“What the Hell do you know?” He retorted angrily. “You have no idea what I’m capable of!”

Matthew stood still and looked away, clenching his hands into fists. He actually had a pretty good idea of what Andries was capable of. That was exactly what concerned him.

“I’m just worried about you…” He muttered.

Andries let out a sigh and ran his hand through his hair.

“I’m sorry. I appreciate everything you did for me so far but this is none of your business. So please, stay out of it.” With that, he turned around and left the room while Matthew stayed there, looking after him until the sound of Andries’ footsteps faded into the distance.

_To Be Continued_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes the first chapter. Please let me know what you think!
> 
> Comments/bookmarks/kudos are very appreciated!
> 
> History sources: 
> 
> \- Andries was held captive in the Oranjehotel prison in Scheveningen: www . oranjehotel . org / english / history /  
> The Canadian army liberates the Netherlands: www . veterans . gc . ca / eng / remembrance / history / historical-sheets / Netherlands
> 
> \- Dutch fur trade in North America: en . wikipedia . org / wiki / New_Netherland_Company & en . wikipedia . org / wiki / North_American_fur_trade
> 
> \- The Dutch princesses in Canada: en . wikipedia . org / wiki / Canada%E2%80%93Netherlands_relations
> 
> \- Japanese occupation of Indonesia: en . wikipedia . org / wiki / Japanese_occupation_of_the_Dutch_East_Indies


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry in advance for the short chapter! It’s actually more like chapter 1.5 than Chapter 2 but it’s necessary. I wanted to write more but it felt too forced. I promise the next chapter(s) will be longer and have more relationship development.
> 
> Enjoy!

 

**CHAPTER 2**

**1945, Ottawa**

Matthew awoke from a restless dream, finding himself staring at his bedroom’s ceiling, his heartbeat fast and breathing shallow. It’s been a few months since he returned home but the images of battlefields and bloodshed still haunted him. The worst part was the uncertainty though. He still remembered the toll which the aftermath of the first             big war took on him and he wasn’t sure how it’ll go this time – for both himself and his people. He glanced at his alarm clock on the nightstand. It was five in the morning. He didn’t see a point in trying to go back to sleep now, so he decided to start the day early instead.

He crawled out from under the covers and stepped to his bedroom window to open it. A cool autumn breeze swept inside and stroked over his naked skin but it wasn’t cold enough for him to wear a shirt at night yet. The sky was still dark and only a few houses had their light on at this hour in the suburbs of Ottawa. Matthew preferred it here. The big city life just wasn’t for him but he needed to be available if his bosses called him into the parliament for any reason. So this was sort of a compromise; a little more space and privacy but still within the reach of the capital. Matthew leaned his elbows on the window sill and watched the town slowly come to life for a while. He sighed and eventually hung his head a little, staring in front of himself but not really looking anywhere.

 _“I wonder how he’s doing.”_ He thought. Andries has never completely left his mind ever since he came back from Europe. As cold as their last goodbye (which wasn’t even really a goodbye) was, they have grown pretty comfortable with each other during the couple of weeks while Matthew visited the Dutchman at the hospital.

For a long time Matt wasn’t sure how to feel about Andries; their first interaction nearly 300 years ago was basically Andries contributing to the near destruction of an entire group of Matthew’s people, only to make a profit out of selling weapons. Later he’d only see Andries a few of times when he was in Europe. Arthur had told him to be wary of Andries and Matthew was inclined to take that advice. However, when the Dutch princess and her children needed to take refuge in his country, he couldn’t decline them. Nor did he say no when he learned it would be his job to liberate the Netherlands. He told himself he’s doing it to help innocent people, not Andries and initially, that’s what he did. That is, until he found Andries in a prison cell, lying unconsciously in a pool of his own blood. Matthew would never forget that feeling of pure terror that came over him in that moment and how mad he was at himself for his own childishness. Yes, Andries might have wronged him in the past but he didn’t deserve this; not this.

The relief he felt when Andries came to was indescribable. At first he was a little lost about how to interact with the older man but as soon as Andries started asking him about Princess Juliana, talking became easy. Matthew himself grew quite fond of Juliana and her family too and he already missed them a lot. Andries was especially interested in the youngest little princess, Margriet, who was born here in Canada. Matthew could tell how much he wanted to meet her already.

A smile tugged at the corner of Matthew’s lips. Perhaps Andries did have a soft side after all.

xxx

A few hours later Matthew drove to Parliament Hill, parking his car nearby the building and walking the rest of the way. The air was chilly against his cheeks as he went and he involuntarily pulled his coat together. For the first time in a long while, he actually missed the warmer days. He turned his gaze to the Parliament Building as he got closer and it felt like its huge clock tower stared down back at him, looking almost judgmental with the steel-grey sky behind it. Matthew never quite got used to this building. It was built abruptly and without much consultation with him, it always sort of made him feel like his say in things didn’t matter – not even in matters on his own country.

Matthew felt that even more lately, since he had to come into office every single day again. Without a doubt, there would be a pile of paperwork waiting for him on his desk again. He walked along a long hallway until he got to his office. He hung his coat and scarf on a rack then stepped to his desk, mentally preparing himself for the tedious work. He didn’t mind the workload so much but he didn’t feel like it was actually doing any good. In the end, he could only give his own two cents on the bills they ran by him, for what it was worth, but in the end, it was his bosses or, in case of a referendum, his people who made the final call. He just wanted to feel more useful again, like he did during the liberation of the Netherlands. He would never wish for another war, of course, but he missed helping others and serving a good cause.

He was just about to sit down when he noticed two letters resting on top of a stack of paper. He held his breath when he noticed the names of the senders. He quickly picked them up and took a closer look.

One of the letters was from Princess Juliana and it was addressed directly to Matthew. Not his boss but Matthew himself. But he was even more surprised by the other letter, which was sent by Andries. Matthew’s heart skipped a beat. He could understand Juliana writing to him, he visited her often during her stay. But Andries? What could he have to say?

Curiosity took over and he opened Andries’ letter first, reading it carefully. It was short and to the point.

_Dear Matthew,_

_I promised I will repay you for all the help you gave to me and my people. I talked about it with Juliana and we decided that as a sign of our gratitude, we’ll send you a gift of 100.000 tulip bulbs. I apologize that I can’t be there to personally give them to you but it seems like my business in the East-Indies will take longer than I expected. Once things settle down, I will visit you._

_Yours truly,_

_Andries Willem van Rijn_

_Konninkrijk der Nederlanden_

Matthew had to read the second sentence over a few times. A hundred-thousand tulip bulbs?! He picked up and read the Princess’ letter too, in which she pretty much said the same as Andries but with more emotion and details. When he was done reading, he rushed to his prime minister’s office, where he confirmed that the cargo ship carrying the bulbs indeed arrived yesterday. Matthew still couldn’t believe it. He was pacing around the office, the two letters clenched in his hand as he was basically thinking out loud.

“I’ll have to write back to Princess Juliana to thank her… and to Andries… I mean, Mister Netherlands too…” He rubbed the back of his neck, something he tended to do when nervous. “What are we even going to do with that many flowers?”

“Well, what do you suggest?” Mr. King asked.

At that question, Matthew stopped pacing and looked out the office’s window, onto Parliament Hill and the Commissioners Park and the city beyond it. He knew what they’d do.

“Let’s plant them all outside in the park, for everyone to see.”

xxx

**1946, Ottawa**

As Matthew gazed upon the blooming flowers on the Parliament Hill, he found it hard to believe that a year ago he was standing on barren battlefields in a faraway country. Nothing he ever saw before could compare to the sight before him while he stood in front of the Parliament Building and looked over the vast sea of colorful tulips but something was missing.

Andries never showed up.

_To Be Continued_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don’t forget to comment/bookmark/leave kudos if you liked the chapter!
> 
> History sources:
> 
> \- During this time, Canada’s prime-minister was William Lyon Mackenzie King (1935-1948).
> 
> \- The sight of the Parliament Building was selected by Queen Victoria, so I guess Matthew didn’t have much say in it: en . wikipedia . org / wiki / Parliament_Hill#History
> 
> \- The beginning of the Tulip Festival: ottawa . ca / en / residents / arts-culture-and-community / museums-and-heritage / witness-change-visions-andrews-newton-27
> 
> \- The Great Depression in Canada after WWI: en . Wikipedia . org / wiki / Canada_in_the_World_Wars_and_Interwar_Years#The_Great_Depression
> 
> \- During the 17th century, the Dutch supplied the Iroquois tribe with firearms for their war against the Huron tribe, which contributed to the latter’s near destruction: en . wikipedia . org / wiki / North_American_fur_trade#New_France_in_the_17th_century


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for alcohol, drugs, prostitution, sex, insomnia, depression and suicidal thoughts for this chapter! (If those warnings remind you of certain over-done fanfic plots, please, give this chapter a chance! It’s probably not what you think it is.) Also, I have no idea what name the fandom usually uses for Indonesia, so I just looked up names and picked one I liked.
> 
> Names: Cahyah [chah-yah]=Indonesia, Emma=Belgium, Henri=Luxembourg

 

**CHAPTER 3**

**1953, Amsterdam**

Andries couldn’t tell exactly when did visiting the Red Light District change from an occasional leisure activity into a regular habit. All he knew is that he started going there more frequently after he came home from the pointless war to reclaim the East-Indies – now Indonesia – and he could not find any peace of mind since. At first he tried to distract himself with other things, like work. There was a lot or rebuilding to do, after all. But no matter how hard he worked, it felt pointless. He felt pointless.

Sleeping it off didn’t seem to be an option either. It started off as him just waking up in the middle of the night sometimes but later he found it hard to fall asleep at all. He’d lie awake in bed often until dawn, only to sleep for one, maybe two hours before he woke up again, restless and irritated. The only way he got some sleep at all was when he was high and drunk out of his mind and lying under some hooker. He’d usually wake up with a headache and nausea but at least he got some rest.

He’d tell himself he deserved to have a little fun every once in a while after all he’s been through, even if this “once in a while” had become multiple times a week. He managed to get his boss angry at himself a few times by showing up late at meetings with a hung-over or not showing up at all. He didn’t really care though. For the first time in ages, all his duties could go to Hell for all he cared. It’s not like he had that much say in things, anyway.

It was the last day of January and a Saturday evening, a typically busy time in the Red Light District. It was raining but that didn’t stop Andries from going. He barely slept six hours all together that week. He needed this. His first stop was the pub, then he got a few blunts from a coffee shop before heading to one of the cheaper brothels. He smoked one blunt under the building’s ledge before going in, saving the rest for later.

The inside was coated in a dull red light, with a stairway leading to the several bedrooms upstairs. He asked for service by an older looking woman at the entrance. The woman left and returned a few minutes later with a younger redheaded lady wearing nothing but a corset, stockings and high heels.

“So, how can I call you?” The woman asked with a charming smile.

“Jaap.” Andries said with a smirk. He never told his real name during these occasions.

“Really? You don’t look like a Jaap.” The woman said, raising an eyebrow.

“I get that a lot.” Andries nodded impatiently.

“Okay, then follow me. You can call me Sophie, by the way.” She said as she turned around and headed up the stairs, her heels clacking on the wooden steps. Andries followed her.

He was panting, sweat dripping from his body as he kept thrusting into her. He barely heard her moans or the rain and the wind against the window’s glass or the chatter and music coming from outside. The alcohol and drug had already numbed his senses enough for him to not really be aware what was going on around him. He was only acting on instincts now, grabbing her hips and pulling her closer with each thrust as he took her doggy-style. His vision blurred out sometimes but he ignored it. He could feel himself getting close to his climax, not wanting to stop for anything.

Nothing could have prepared him for what happened next. He heard a loud and terrifying crack and the next second, excruciating pain jabbed into his right knee. Not knowing what was going on, he let go of Sophie so suddenly that he lost his balance and fell off the bed backwards. He yelled in agony as he grabbed his knee, his breathing shallow and his head spinning.

“Hey, was it that good?” Sophie asked smiling as she turned around to look at him, only to see Andries

curved into a ball and crying in pain on the floor, holding his leg desperately. He could hear the woman scream and call for help and saw her run out of the room through the tears that clouded his eyes before the pain became too much to bear and everything went black.

He awoke in a hospital bed with his right leg bandaged up from his foot to the middle on his tight. He was confused at first but when he remembered why he was there, he wanted to smother himself with his pillow. He could definitely not show his face around that brothel again. He dropped his arm over his eyes, hoping the ground would open up and swallow him but he wasn’t that lucky.

His boss showed up later and explained what caused the break in his knee. A huge storm hit the south-western shore of the country. The dams broke and land was flooded. Over a thousand people died, ten-thousand others lost their homes. His boss was trying to get a hold of Andries all night to no avail. The dams will have to be repaired and Andries will most likely need several surgeries. After his boss was done lecturing him, Andries was left alone with his thoughts and this time he couldn’t just run away into substances and sex from them. He sat up in the bed, dug his fingers into his hair and clenched his teeth as he leaned forward, his stomach turning and his chest tightening with guilt. He actually wanted to cry.

_“I messed up… I messed up big time.”_

xxx

A couple weeks after his first surgery, Andries was allowed to leave the hospital. His leg was still bandaged and he was told to rest as much as he could but he blatantly ignored that instruction and tried to clean and maintain his house like he usually did. He also stubbornly refused to be assigned a nurse, insisting he could take care of himself. He just wanted to be able to do something on his own, to not feel so completely empty and useless all the time. He felt like a wrecked ship that got stuck on the shore, nothing but a pathetic remainder of what it once used to be.

He still couldn’t sleep. Some nights we wouldn’t even bother going upstairs into his bedroom, because it was a pointless hassle anyway. He’d just lie on the couch in his small living room and doze off for a little while only to wake up more tired than before. Sometimes he’d stare at the little plastic box of pain- killers on the coffee table, which he got from the hospital to help ease the pain in his knee. Sometimes he wondered what if he just swallowed the whole box at once but then he remembered that he’d survive anyway. Immortality really was a curse sometimes.

After a week of being home, Andries heard a loud knock on the front door of his Amsterdam apartment. He was in the middle of doing the dishes, having to sit on a chair while doing so. During times like these, he was glad he was tall, so he could still reach the sink without problems. He didn’t take well to being interrupted though. He picked up his crutch and stood up slowly, waddling out to open the door. It was probably his boss deciding to finally come and check on him.

But he was wrong. Standing by the door was a bespectacled, blond young man with bright violet eyes.

“Hey.” Matthew greeted him with a timid smile.

“What… What are you doing here?” Andries asked, looking around to see if there was anyone else, but the Canadian was alone. They haven’t met since their last encounter at the end of the war and now Matthew just showed up here without warning.

“I… I heard what happened with the flood and I just wanted to see how you are.” Matthew replied. That sentence made Andries’ blood boil.

“Great. Well, you saw me. Now go home!” He said angrily and was about to close the door but Matthew stopped it with his arm.

“Wait! I just got here. Please, let me in.” He pleaded. He wasn’t exactly expecting this sort of welcome but it just made him all the more concerned.

Andries was surprised by the strength of Matthew’s push on the door. He seemed to be a lot stronger than he looked and could probably force his way in if he wanted to, and Andries would have been no match for him in his current state. Considering that, he reluctantly opened the door and turned around, heading back to the kitchen. Matthew quickly came in and followed him inside. Andries when straight back to his dishes, continuing to wash them, completely ignoring that Matthew was there.

Matthew realized Andries wasn’t in a much better shape than when they last was each other. At least he wasn’t as skinny now but he was still pale, had dark circles under his eyes and his hair and stubble have grown out.

“Sorry… but shouldn’t you be resting?” He asked carefully.

“I’m fine.” Andries replied coldly. “Why are you here, anyway?”

“I told you, I wanted to see how you’re doing.” Matthew said. “I haven’t heard from you in such a long time and the next news I get about you is that your country was flooded… Did that cause this?” He asked, pointing at Andries’ bandaged leg.

“Yes.” Andries said, while putting some plates on the dryer. “It happened while I was screwing a hooker. Next thing I know, I’m at the hospital and a doctor’s telling me that they’ll have to put screws in my knee.”

Matthew made a grimace at that pun.

“Yeah, anyway… I was wondering if you needed help with anything.”

“I said I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine to me.”

Andries threw the plate that was in his hand at the floor, where it shattered and its pieces flew all across the room. Matthew shuddered and instinctively stepped back.

“Goddammit, just tell me what’s your deal!” Andries shouted, while pushing himself up and holding onto the kitchen counter for support. He was shaking with wrath. “This isn’t an international issue, so you  probably weren’t sent here! What do you want from me?!”

“I…” At first Matthew didn’t know how to respond but then he decided to fight back. “I wanted to know why you never showed up! Because I consider you my friend and I was worried about you! But I was obviously wrong, so I won’t waste my time anymore. Goodbye.”

With that he turned around and headed for the door. Andries just stared at him, completely baffled. The sound of the door opening snapped him out of it.

“Matthew, wait!” Andries shouted and grabbed his crutch, going after Matthew as quick as he could. He stepped outside on the apartment’s front porch, looking around and saw Matthew going down the street.

“Matt!” He shouted but the Canadian didn’t turn around. “Matt, I’m sorry!”

That finally made Matthew stop and look back. Andries opened his mouth to call him back but he couldn’t. Not after what he just did. Instead, he went back inside and dropped down on the couch in the living room, cursing at himself. He most likely just pushed away the last person in the world who still gave a damn about him.

A few minutes later he heard the door open again and Matthew came inside, taking off his coat and scarf and hanging them on the rack in the hall. Andries quickly sat up but wasn’t sure what to say. Matthew looked like he was crying a minute ago and that just made him feel worse. After a few seconds, Matthew finally broke the silence.

“Let’s start over, shall we?” He asked. Andries just nodded, shifting on the couch and putting his bandaged leg up on the coffee table. Matthew walked over and sat down on the other end of the couch. Andries leaned his head back and let out a sigh.

“I’m sorry.” He repeated.

Matthew didn’t reply.

“For everything.” Andries added. “Sorry for acting like a jerk just now, for not visiting you like I promised and for walking out on you like that years ago. I’m sorry.”

“Andries…” Matthew said softly. “I want to help you I can’t if you shut me out. Just tell me what’s going on. This isn’t just about your injury, right?”

Andries sighed again.

“No, it’s not. The thing is, you were right about Cahyah…” He admitted. “You were right; she didn’t want to come back to me. Actually, I’ve known of that for a long time but I guess I was hoping that the war made her think she was safer with me after all…”

Matthew listened carefully. He couldn’t help but notice that Andries wasn’t calling Cahyah “East-Indies” anymore.

“She said she didn’t want to see me again but I refused to listen.” Andries continued. “The things I did… and the things I allowed to happen…”

He closed his eyes and shook him head.

“Honestly, Matthew, you should steer clear of me.” His voice sounded almost like someone was chocking him. “I always end up hurting those I claim to care about. Cahyah, Emma, Henri… They could tell you things… But they don’t have to, right? You know full well what I’m capable of...”

There was few seconds of silence before Matthew spoke.

“But… I don’t want to stay away from you.”

“Matt, please.” Andries let out a bitter laugh. “Look at me. I’m broken in every sense of the word. I have nothing left, nothing to offer. I probably deserve it too.”

“I don’t care. I’ve made up my mind a long time ago.” Matthew insisted. “We’ve all did things we regret. You know I was also involved in the war in South Africa, right? So you can say we’re even.”

Andries finally looked at him.

“I don’t resent you anymore, Andries.” Matthew said, his voice calm and sincere. “Please, let me be your friend.”

Andries wasn’t sure what to say. Those words actually made him feel relieved and he did want Matthew around.

“You’re the last person I want to hurt.” He muttered. The next thing he knew was that Matthew threw his arms around him and buried his face into his shoulder. Andries was taken aback for a second by the sudden physical contact but eventually he relaxed and embraced Matthew too, feeling his body’s warmth and breathing in his scent, while soft blonde hair brushed against his face. They stayed like this for a while, not saying a word and just holding each other.

Later Matthew cleaned up the broken plate in the kitchen. Then he made some pancakes and they ate them with _stroop_ , since Andries didn’t have maple syrup in his home but the sugar cane syrup was just as good. They talked some more for the rest of the afternoon, opening up a few bottles of beers too and did some catching up on things that happened since their last meeting. Matthew was excited to tell Andries about where they planted all the tulips he sent each year and how a photographer from Matthew’s country wanted to organize a whole festival around them. That actually made Andries smile for the first time in a while. Matthew blushed and chocked a bit on his drink when he saw on curve on the Dutchman’s. He looked so… different with a smile. In a good way, of course. It made Matthew wish he saw it more.

As it started to get late, Matthew had to go back to the hotel he was staying at for the night. He was going to stay for a few more days though to visit Andries but then he’d have to go home, since he his boss needed him.

“I’ll come by again tomorrow.” He said with a smile as he stood in the doorway.

“I’ll be looking forward to it.” Andries nodded and offered his hand. Matthew took it and shook it briefly before letting go and heading out. Andries looked after him until he was out of sight, then he went inside and closed the door. Suddenly, he realized he was sleepy. He went upstairs, dropped down on his bed without bothering to change and actually fell asleep within seconds.

xxx

**May 1953, Ottawa**

It was a beautiful, sunny spring day. Matthew stood at the end of the airstrip, waiting for that one plane that was bringing a “special guest” from Amsterdam. He smiled when he saw it appear in the distance and watched as it slowly flew lower until its wheels touched the runway. The plane rolled closer to the airport, its propellers spinning slower and slower until they eventually stopped. Matthew ran up to the plane as a staircase was brought to its door. The door opened and Andries stepped out. He still needed a cane to walk but he looked much better than when Matthew last saw him. His hair was done up, he was clean shaven, wearing a neat suit and he had his striped scarf dropped around his shoulders. He slowly walked down the stairs, that’s when Matthew noticed that he was holding a big bouquet of colorful tulips.

“Welcome.” Matthew greeted him when he reached the ground.

“Hi, Matt.” Andries nodded and held up the bouquet. “These are for you.”

Matthew felt his cheeks turn red.

“But… for what?”

“I know I’ve already sent this year’s batch of bulbs but this bouquet… is my personal thank you to you. Not as the Netherlands to Canada, but Andries to Matthew.”

Matthew took the flowers, staring at the bright yellows, oranges, whites and pinks.

“They’re beautiful. Thank you.” He mumbled.

“Don’t thank me. I’m the one who owes you.” Andries smiled.

“Still… This is very kind of you.”

Andries shrugged.

“It’s the least I can do after all you did for me. So, what about that festival?”

“Right. Come on, we shouldn’t be late.” Matthew said and starting walking towards the airport’s building, not too fast so Andries could keep up. Andries followed suit and as he listen to Matthew babble excitedly about the festival his people had planned for the tulips, he started to realize that Matthew’s friendship meant a lot more to him than he initially thought.

_To Be Continued_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember to comment/boomark/leave kudos!
> 
> History sources:
> 
> \- The North Sea Flood in the Netherlands: en . wikipedia . org / wiki / North_Sea_flood_of_1953
> 
> \- Indonesia’s war for independence: en . wikipedia . org / wiki / Indonesian_National_Revolution
> 
> \- Canada in the Boer Wars: www . warmuseum . ca / education / online-educational-resources / dispatches / for-queen-and-country-canadians- and-the- south-african-war-1899-1902 /


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I AM TERRIBLY SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE. I’m sure many of you have already given up on this story. In my defense, my last year at university was the busiest I ever had. I graduated, then I had to find a job and a new flat to stay in, then I had to get my laptop fixed because it’s been broken for a while and I also had internet problems. Once again, I’m very sorry, but to make up for it, this chapter is longer than the previous ones!
> 
> TO MY OLD READERS: I changed Netherlands’ human name! I realized I gave him an incorrect surname (“Meer” in Dutch means lake, not sea. I confused it with the German word.), so I thought if I’m going to change that anyway, I’ll change his first name too, so now he’s Andries [ahn-drees] instead of Willem. I hope it’s not too weird – if it is, I suggest you re-read the story from the beginning with the new name. I also updated the old chapters, like corrected facts and fixed spelling errors.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the new chapter!
> 
> Names: Carlos=Cuba, Kateryna=Ukraine, João=Portugal, Mikkel=Denmark, Sigurd=Norway
> 
> Warnings for panic attacks and alcohol, maybe. Also, mentions of past NedPort and NedDen.

  **CHAPTER 4**

**1962, Ottawa**

Since the first Tulip festival, exchanging letter has become frequent between Matthew and Andries. When they couldn’t visit each other for a long time, writing was the primary communication form between them. Matthew still had that very first, short letter that Andries sent him back in 1945. Since then, Andries’ letters have become significantly lengthier and more casual, sharing more and more personal thoughts over time. For instance, one time Andries mentioned in a letter that he sometimes wrote poetry. That perked Matthew’s curiosity, so he asked Andries if he would mind him reading some of them. In the next letter, Andries sent a handful of poems which he has written over the last few decades. Matthew was amazed by how raw and heartfelt they were – it made him wonder if Andries hesitated about sharing them at all.

Andries kept Matthew updated on his health too, telling him how his leg slowly but surely healed (even though it probably wouldn’t be just like it was before ever again) and that he started taking medication for his insomnia and depression. Matthew was always happy to read about the progress Andries was making and replied with further encouragement. He didn’t know why but it was so easy for him to talk or write to Andries about almost anything. Maybe it was just the Dutchman’s down-to-earth personality and knowing that Andries would take him seriously and always give an honest response.

Matthew wasn’t sure if it was because his didn’t have any neighboring nations besides the United States and Greenland, because Arthur controlled his foreign affairs for so long or perhaps both but he was always anxious when it came to interacting with nations he didn’t know well. Opening up was particularly hard for him, though he’s been trying to fight that shyness since he became his own dominion and he was more in control of his own relations. However, those who he was actually closer to were far away now.

Since the indirect flaunting of strength and resources has begun between Alfred and Ivan and the world was particularly split between them, Matthew felt more isolated than before. His alliance lied with his brother, of course, but it wasn’t like when they fought together to liberate Europe. Now he was getting dragged into wars and conflicts that weren’t his to fight. He also had to put up with Alfred’s constant criticism whenever he made a choice his brother didn’t fully agree with, such as refusing to break ties with Carlos after the Cuban Revolution. But Matthew refused to give up on a friend he had long before all of this started, even though the tension between Alfred and Carlos did cause them to drift apart too.

He also missed Kateryna– she was a lovely company during the late 1800’s but she had to return home after the First World War broke out. Matthew hardly saw her since then and now that she had to live with her brother, communication between them has all but ceased. Whenever he did run into her at meetings, she always looked worn and tired, along with the other Eastern- and Central-European nations who were now part of the Soviet Union. It made Matthew feel incredibly helpless that there wasn’t anything he could do about it, though he knew well that it was something way out of his league.

Andries’ letters were one of the few things he could actually look forward to. It often took weeks or months until a new one came and whenever he didn’t find one in his mailbox one morning, he knew he’d have to get through another day without it. The new letters would still have the distinct scent of tobacco which Andries smoked. Matthew once caught himself bringing the letter to his nose and inhaling the scent and Andries’ face came to his mind in vivid detail. When Matthew realized what he was going, he felt flustered but it was also what made him realize the feelings he has developed for Andries overtime.

Andries was truly a very caring and hardworking man underneath that stoic exterior. He was also quite handsome, there was no denying that. When they were together, Matthew felt like everything was okay – Andries gave him such a sense of security that he had never before felt with someone else. He was puzzled about what to do at this point. Sure, they got along well, but was a possible romantic relationship worth risking their current friendship?

There were so many questions coursing through Matthew’s mind whenever he’d stop to consider his chances. First of all, what if Andries didn’t feel the same way? The whole reason they became friends in the first place was because he helped Andries out during a very hard time. Andries already sent him ten thousands of tulips each year in gratitude – he would not have wanted to put Andries in an awkward position where he would feel bad for not being able to return Matthew’s feeling. Andries didn’t owe him love or a relationship. The other pressing question was if Andries was attracted to men at all. If he found out that Matthew was, would he see him differently? Would he hate him for it? Matthew didn’t even want to think about that. All things considered, a confession wasn’t worth the risk. (Not that he felt like he’d have the courage to do it anyway.) So he decided to ignore these feelings and hoped they would eventually subside but that was easier said than done. Eventually, he procrastinated replying to Andries’ letters but that only made him feel guilty and even lonelier than he already was.

Then things took a turn for the worst. The Russian-American conflict came too close to home, sending the world onto the verge of another war. Matthew was woken abruptly on the morning of October 15 in 1962 by a call from Alfred, giving him the news about the newly discovered missiles in Cuba. After that, Matthew could only describe the following two weeks as an endless loop of stress and anxiety. He didn’t even go home – he was either consulting his ministers or meeting up with his brother, who constantly berated him for his government’s hesitance to act. On the few occasions when he did sleep in his office, it was only for a couple of hours.

The memory of the previous war was still too fresh in his mind, as well as his first experience with the effects of explosives in Halifax. At one point he had to excuse himself from a meeting when the memory suddenly came back as a vivid flashback, causing his chest to tighten and his breathing became shallow. After he walked out of the meeting room, he leaned against the wall of the corridor, grabbing at his wildly pounding heart and sweat dripping down his forehead. Matthew slid down on the ground with his back against the wall, tears streaming down his cheeks.

Two week that felt like Hell later, the conflict was resolved. Of course, when Alfred first saw afterwards, he just couldn’t not rub salt into the wound. He told Matthew off for being a weak-willed coward and for being too soft-hearted and trusting then it came to choosing friends. Matthew retorted with Alfred being a selfish idiot who didn’t care how his actions affected others and starting fights with everyone he could just to show off his power. He could see how badly Alfred wanted to punch him for that but perhaps he knew that if he did, he would just be proving Matthew right. Matthew just walked away – he didn’t have anything else to say to his brother. He just wanted to go home and rest already.

xxx

The next day, Matthew was woken up by a knock on his front door. He let out a frustrated grunt and kicked the blanket off of himself. While the got out of bed, the glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It was almost three o’clock in the afternoon. His whole body ached as he walked down to open the door. In his sleep-hazed mind, he tried to guess who it could be. If it was Alfred, Matthew was ready to slam the door in his face. There was another knock.

“I’m coming.” Matthew answered impatiently, turning the key and opening the door. He couldn’t believe his eyes. It was Andries. He had to blink a few times to make sure he wasn’t dreaming but the Dutchman was definitely there, standing on his porch with a concerned look on his face.

“Hi.” Andries spoke. Matthew couldn’t hold himself back any longer – he stepped forward and hugged his friend, burying his face into Andries’ shoulder and started crying. He could feel a pair of strong arms wrap around him and a hand gently patting his hair. Andries waited a few minutes until Matthew’s sobs quieted down into to small little whimpering, then he gently spoke.

“Matthew, we should go inside. You’ll catch a cold…”

Matthew nodded and let go of Andries, wiping his eyes with his hands.

“Yes, right…” He said. He was only wearing his pajamas after all and the weather outside was freezing. He went inside the house and Andries followed suit, closing the door behind them.

“Sorry, I wanted to come sooner but my boss wouldn’t let me leave until the conflict was resolved.” Andries said and put his suitcase on the floor, then took off his coat and hung it on the rack. He would sleep in the guest room later, like he always did.

“Don’t worry about it.” Matthew shook his head. He honestly didn’t expect Andries to show up this soon and hoped he could at least tidy up his house and pull himself together before they met again. Now he could somewhat understand how Andries felt when he visited him after the flood a few years ago. He didn’t want to be seen like this.

 “Did I wake you? You can go back to rest if you want to...” Andries said.

 “No, I’d rather stay with you.” Matthew gave a tired smile. He really was glad he wasn’t alone anymore. The next second, his stomach let out a loud growl. He quickly turned away, his face turning red when he heard Andries chuckle.

“You haven’t eaten yet, have you?” Andries asked and Matthew nodded. “Would you like to go out to eat? It’s on me.”

“Aren’t you tired from travelling?” Matthew asked.

“I’m fine, I slept on the plane.” Andries shrugged. “So, would you like to go?”

Matthew nodded. He really was hungry after all and there wasn’t much food at home, definitely not enough for the two of them. He went back upstairs to take a shower and get dressed, and then they headed out.

The sky was grey and the air was cold, just like one would expect around this time of the year in Ottawa. Andries and Matthew walked side by side on the sidewalk, the wild blowing yellow and orange leaves off of the trees around them. It was a romantic sight to behold and for a second Matthew almost felt like they were going on a date but he quickly pushed that thought aside, pulling his scarf more into his face.

After a while they arrived at the small restaurant they usually went to whenever Andries came to visit. It was warm and cozy inside, with only a few other people there besides them. They took a seat by a table in the corner and ordered their meals. Matthew mentioned he’d pay for his but Andries insisted he lets him pay and Matthew gave up.

“Sorry if this is inconvenient for you.” He said while they waited for their food.

“It’s not, so stop apologizing.” Andries said, waving his hand. “I’m glad to see you’re okay… Well, relatively. I was kind of worried when you didn’t reply to my last letter.”

That last sentence made Matthew feel a bit guilty again.

“I’m sorry, I just…” He began, rubbing the back of his head, but wasn’t sure how to continue. He didn’t want to lie to Andries but he wasn’t ready to tell the truth yet either.

“You had a lot to do.” Andries said with a nod. “Our duties as nations come first, I know that. Don’t beat yourself up about it.”

“Uh... yeah.” Matthew nodded. Well, at least that was part of the truth too. Then the waiter brought their meals and he ate like a starved wolf. Come to think of it, he didn’t have a proper cooked meal during the last couple of weeks. Occasionally he’d look up from his plate to see that Andries was eating well too. Thanks to physical therapy and working out regularly, the Dutchman managed to regain his lost muscle mass over the years and he looked better than ever. Now he resembled the man Matthew first saw him as all those years ago more, though he definitely aged since then. But it looked good on him.

Matthew sighed as he chewed on his food. Being in love with one’s best friend wasn’t easy and said friend being this attractive didn’t really help.

After they finished eating, they ordered a bottle of whisky and two glasses. When Matthew took the first sip of his drink, it burned in his throat and stomach, making him cough a bit.

“Take it easy.” Andries warned him as he sipped from his own glass.

“I appreciate your concern but there’s no need to baby me.” Matthew smirked and took another sip. Alcohol usually made him more talkative and by the time he finished his first glass, he was venting about his fight with his brother.

“…and Alfred acts like I’m his dog who runs to his side as soon as he whistles but I don’t want anything to do with his stupid wars anymore. I’m tired of fighting.” He finished a rambling section and gulped down some more of his drink.

“You really deserve props for putting up with him for so long.” Andries shook his head. He drank his own whisky slower; he had a feeling Matthew will need someone to take him home. “You were really strong, Matt.”

Matthew shrugged.

“If I was that strong, perhaps Alfred wouldn’t drag me around so much.”                                                              

Andries sighed. He didn’t like it when Matthew was so self-decrepitating and often wished the Canadian had more confidence in himself.

“…You know why I never take off my shirt when we go to the beach?” Matthew suddenly asked. He didn’t wait for Andries’ reply before he continued. “During the First World War, two ships collided in the harbor of Halifax… one was carrying explosives meant to be used in the war. The result was the biggest explosion in history up to that point… It left a huge scar on my left shoulder… It’s not a pretty sight.”

Andries felt his heart sink in his chest. He did wonder about why Matthew was shy about his body but he never would’ve guessed this.

“I didn’t even know… Sorry.”

“It’s fine. I don’t like to talk about it.” Matthew shook his head. “But I don’t ever want to relive that again. And I feel so isolated from my friends too… Ever since Alfred and Carlos’ relationship went south, we’ve grown kind of cold too. And I haven’t heard much from Kateryna since she moved in with Ivan either. It’s just not fair, why does she have live with her brother even though she doesn’t want to...”

Andries slightly looked away. That kind of hit home for him but he decided not to say anything.

“Once she gets out, I’ll be the first one to recognize her independence, just wait and see.” Matthew continued as he refilled his glass. Andries made a humming noise and took out a box of cigarettes from his coat’s pocket.

“So, were you two a couple?” He asked suddenly while putting a cigarette between his teeth. Matthew’s eyes went wide.

“No, it’s not like that! She’s just a really close friend, that’s all.” He laughed.

“Are you sure?” Andries raised an eyebrow as he pulled out a lighter and lit the cigarette. “You seem to be really into her, if you ask me.”

“Nooo! It’s really not like that.” Matthew insisted. As much as felt like he didn’t have a chance, he didn’t want Andries to think he was interested in someone else. He quickly thought it over in his already tipsy mind and sighed. He lowered his voice a bit and looked around to see if anyone was paying attention to them before he leaned in a bit closer to Andries and spoke.

“What I’m about to tell you now might make you think of me differently but... I’m not really interested in women that way... I-I’m gay.” He quickly turned away, not being able to look Andries in the eyes.

Andries took a few minutes to process this new information. He was a little surprised that Matthew never told him this before but then again, it was understandable. He blew out some smoke and tapped the cigarette, letting the ash on its end fall into the ashtray.

“Matt, it’s okay. Actually... I’ve been with men before too.” He confessed. It seemed only fair after Matthew did.

At that, Matthew turned back at him with a perplexed expression.

“You’re kidding.”

“No, I’m not.” Andries shrugged, giving him a reassuring smirk.

Matthew let out a deep sigh and took a big sip from his drink. It felt good to get that off his chest and that Andries didn’t hate him for it.

“But... I always thought you were into women.” He said, recalling the times when Andries told him about his visits to the Red Light District.

“Well, for me it’s more like whatever... Men or women, doesn’t matter.” Andries explained and took another drag from his cigarette.

“Oh.” Matthew nodded. “Umm... Mind if I ask what kind of guys you were with?”

“Many.” was Andries’ short answer. Matthew made a face at him.

“Then just... Who were the most memorable ones?”

Andries rubbed his neck a little nervously. He didn’t like to talk about his past affairs that much.

“Well, the first man I was ever with was João.” He finally said. “But I was very young back then and very religious. One day when I went to buy spices from him, he took me on one of the big sailboats in the harbor and... we did it.”

He shook his head as he thought back on the memory.

“I was so terrified that I’ll be going to Hell for it that I cried and prayed for days afterwards. Despite this, I kept going back to him... until he had to make a union with Antonio and I started working out my own trade routes and we became rivals.”

Matthew just listened quietly, feeling a dull ache in his chest. Even if it was centuries ago, it still kind of hurt to hear that Andries’ heart once belonged to someone else.

“I’m sorry...” He said, none the less.

“Don’t be. I was the one who ended it.” Andries shrugged. “Later, I hooked up with Mikkel. It was much less complicated. I was dealing with Emma leaving our union and his with Sigurd ended a few years before, so he knew what I was going through. I guess we just both needed a good fuck to make us forget how much we failed as older brothers. We stopped after a while but we remained on better terms than I did with João.”

Matthew stared at his glass in his hands. It started to weight on him how much older Andries was. He was already more experienced when Matthew was only a child. What if Andries still saw him as a kid? All the other male nations he’s been with were older than him. How could Matthew stand up to that?

“What about you?” Andries’ voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

“What about me?” He repeated as he looked up.

“Have you ever been with a guy?” Andries asked as he put his cigarette out in the ashtray.

“Yeah, I have but mostly with human men. After all, the only other male country in my immediate vicinity is my brother...” Matthew snorted. “At first, when I wasn’t interested in girls I just thought that I can’t fall in love but as I got older, I started noticing the men around me and I experimented here and there... until Arthur found out one day. He never slapped me harder before... but like you, I guess he was scared for my soul.”

Andries hummed and nodded.

“Probably... but I don’t really believe that anymore. Why should we be punished for loving who we love?” He mused and took a sip from his glass. “Times are changing, Matt. I can feel it in myself and in my people. Maybe, soon enough, we won’t have to hide who we are.”

“I’d like to believe you.” Matthew said with a hopeful smile, though he felt like anything but. Even if they would be allowed to love who they wanted, what was the use if the one he wanted was out of his reach?

Soon enough, they consumed the rest of the whisky bottle’s content and Matthew did have most of it. He nearly tripped when he stood up, needing Andries to catch him and letting him lean against him for support. Matthew felt his cheeks flush and he hoped Andries would attribute that to the alcohol. As they were walking home and he barely acknowledged the cold wind and light rain. He only cared about Andries’ arm around his waist and his scent as Matthew leaned his head on his shoulder as they walked. It felt nice and comforting. He wished they could’ve just stayed this way a little longer. When they arrived at his home, Andries helped him upstairs to his bedroom, laying him down on the bed. He felt dizzy and like he could pass out any second. He looked up at Andries, who was busy removing his coat.

“You’re really handsome, you know that? Anyone would be lucky to have you...” Matthew mumbled, barely aware of his words.

“Umm, thanks?” Andries replied, though he wasn’t sure if it was a sincere compliment or just the alcohol talking. “You should get some slee-”

As he leaned closer to pull off Matthew’s coat, the Canadian pushed himself up and pressed his lips to his, only for a brief moment before practically falling back onto his pillow and dozing off. Andries stayed there frozen for a few seconds, with his mouth agape. Did Matthew just kiss him?! Now he really was confused.

He shook his head and finished getting Matthew’s coat off, as well as his glasses and shoes. Then he tucked him in with a blanket, watching the younger man sleep for a few moments.

Was Matthew in love with him? If so, that wasn’t good. When they became friends, Andries swore he wouldn’t let himself fall in love – but he didn’t count on Matthew to fall for him first and now he didn’t know what to do. He turned around and left the room, hoping that Matthew wouldn’t remember this in the morning.

xxx

When Matthew woke up, he felt like his head was about to split in half. He sat up and looked around – he seemed to be in his bedroom but his he was still wearing his clothes from yesterday. He hardly remembered how he got home last night. Andries probably brought him home. He felt a little embarrassed; he didn’t intend to get this drunk. He slowly got up and went downstairs to the kitchen to find some painkillers and he saw that Andries was already there, reading a newspaper and drinking coffee by the table.

“Matt... Good morning.” He said when he noticed Matthew.

“Good morning, Dries...” Matthew mumbled as he rubbed his head. “I need some aspirin.”

Andries nodded and got up, walking to one of the cabinets and taking out a glass to fill it with water by the sink, while Matthew got the medicine from a drawer.

“So, did you have fun yesterday?” Andries asked as he handed the glass to Matthew.

“Yeah, we had a good time... and we learned some important things about each other.” Matthew said with a smile and took the pills with a couple gulps of water. “Unless... I did something stupid that I don’t remember. I kind of tend to when I’m drunk…”

Andries shook his head. He thought it over last night – if Matthew won’t remember the kiss, he wouldn’t tell him about it. It wasn’t worth the risk of ruining their friendship and Matthew probably had his reasons for not telling him if he did love him.

“No, nothing happened. I brought you home and you slept like a log. Don’t worry.” Andries said as he crossed his arms.

“That’s good to know.” Matthew sighed with relief and looked up at him. “Because, you know, our friendship means a lot to me and I’d never do anything intentionally to mess it up.”

Andries reached out and ruffled Matthew’s blonde locks.

“Me neither.” He said with a rare, soft smile. Matthew couldn’t help but smile too as he found himself reminded of how good he had it. Andries was always there for him, and that was more than he could ask for.

_To Be Continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to everyone who waited for this update and read this chapter! You’re all awesome!
> 
> I hope Netherlands’ name change isn’t too weird but I personally grew quite fond of this name for him and since no one else uses it, it feels more unique for my own interpretation of him.
> 
> Also, I can’t make any promises for when the next chapter is coming out because I’ll be travelling to Belgium for two weeks in August for a language course and then I’ll be starting my new job when I get home. But I do hope that the next update won’t take this long. (It’s been 10 months, jeez…)
> 
> Please remember to comment/bookmark/leave kudos!
> 
> History sources (there are a lot this time omg):
> 
> \- I know I’m kind of making Alfred look like jerk here but US-Canada relations were difficult in the 60’s. Canada during the Cuban Missile Crisis: www . thecanadianencyclopedia . ca / en / article / cuban-missile-crisis /
> 
> \- Canada and Cuba had trade relations dating back to the 1800’s: en . wikipedia . org/ wiki / Canada%E2%80%93Cuba_relations
> 
> \- Canada was the first western country to recognize Ukraine’s independence: www . canadainternational . gc . ca / ukraine / bilateral_relations_bilaterales / index . aspx ? lang =eng
> 
> \- The explosion at Halifax on December 6th 1917 was the largest human-made explosion prior to the detonation of the first atomic bombs in 1945: www . thecanadianencyclopedia . ca / en / article / halifax-explosion /
> 
> \- Dutch-Portugese War: en . wikipedia . org / wiki / Dutch%E2%80%93Portuguese_War
> 
> \- Belgium gained independence from the Netherlands in 1830: en . wikipedia . org / wiki / History_of_the_Netherlands#Belgium_breaks_away
> 
> \- Denmark and Norway’s union ended in 1814: en . wikipedia . org / wiki / Denmark%E2%80%93Norway#Napoleonic_Wars_and_end_of_the_Union
> 
> \- For centuries, the Netherlands was a very Christian and conservative country. It only became the liberal nation it is known as today during the 1960s: en . wikipedia . org / wiki / History_of_the_Netherlands#Liberalisation


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this update is waaaaay overdue and I'm not even going to make excuses, just say sorry that it took so long. I wouldn't be surprised if some people have completely given up on me ever updating this story, so I'm very grateful to everyone who still subscribed and left kudos in the mean time. :)
> 
> Million thanks to paladinquen (postmodern_robot) for the beta!
> 
> More notes at the end of the chapter. Now enjoy!

**June 1967, Brussels**

Over the last few years, Andries made a habit out of visiting his siblings more often. There was much to be resolved between them and just seeing each other face to face more regularly helped a lot. It had really started after Emma returned from the Congo and had to deal with the same baggage that Andries had after his own war in Indonesia.

Determined to not let his sister sink into the same kind of isolation and self-destructive tendencies, he made it his duty to look after and consult her. It still wasn’t easy, but he hoped his advice and empathy helped her at least a little. After all, he had been working through his own issues for almost two decades now, but for Emma, the experience was still fresh. So it didn’t come as a complete surprise to Andries when he visited Emma on weekends and sometimes found her still in her nightgown when it was long past noon, with messy hair and baggy eyes, slightly inebriated. This was another one of those days.

“Hey.” She said in a tired voice after she opened the door and saw her brother standing in her doorway. “I forgot you were coming…”

“Have you been drinking again?” Andries asked, looking at her suspiciously. Her only reply was a shrug. “We talked about this…”

“I know, I know…” She waved and stepped back to let him in. “Just come in, I’ll make some tea.”

They went to her kitchen and Andries took a seat at the kitchen table while Emma went to collect her kettle from the cupboard. After she filled it with water and put it on the stove to boil, she sat down next to her brother and asked.

“How long did it take for you to get better?”

“A few years.” He replied. “But to be honest, it probably would’ve taken less if I had just faced my guilt instead of trying to suppress it in the first place… Yes, the things I did were terrible and I’ll have to live with that forever. But that’s the thing, people like us can’t afford to stop being who we are and these feeling will never go away. All we can do is own them and make sure we learn from our mistakes, not try to conceal them with substances.”

“You’re the one to talk.” She said as she crossed her arms on the table. “You still smoke weed. Don’t deny it, I smelled it on you many times when you came over.”

“That’s different.” Andries shrugged. “I need it to help me sleep and I can’t always get the scent out but I’m using it a lot less now than before. After a while I found other things that helped me cope. New interests, work, people…”

“And by “people”, you mean Matthew.” Emma interrupted him with a smirk, tilting her head a bit.

“Well, yes.” Andries raised an eyebrow. Why would she bring up Matthew all of a sudden? “He helped me at one of my lowest points and he didn’t leave even when I was at my worst… He’s my best friend.”

“Really? After all this time, you still see him as a friend? With all the flowers and letters you send him, I was sure there was more going on here.” Emma pondered, scratching her head.

Andries almost jolted in panic. Did she know…?

“Of course not!” He retorted. “Can’t I just send those to him as a friend? Besides, the thank-you tulips were originally my queen’s idea…”

“Alright, calm down…” She gave him a confused look. “I’m just saying… It’s been a while since you were interested in anyone this much and if you were ready to be in a relationship again, I think you and Matthew would be a good couple.”

Andries closed his eyes and shook his head.

“No way.”

“Why not? Is he not into men?” Emma asked.

“No, that’s not the problem.”

“Then why?”

“Because… I don’t deserve him.” Andries sighed. It was hard conclusion for him to come to but it was how he felt, nonetheless.

“So you do like him…” Emma said with a quiet kind of awe, her eyes going wide. Andries let out a grunt. It made him slightly uncomfortable to hear it said out loud.

“It doesn’t matter…”

“Uh, after your little speech three minutes ago about how we shouldn’t suppress our feelings, I think it does matter.” Emma pointed out.

“Except I’m not the one who’s hiding his feelings, he is.” Andries couldn’t stop himself from saying it before he realized what he just let slip. Now Emma was looking at him with even more suspicion.

“What do you mean by that?”

Andries ran a hand through his hair.

“Remember when I visited Matthew about five years ago after the missile crisis?” Emma nodded, so he continued. “I went to his place and then we went out together for a drink. He had a bit too much and I had to help him get home. I took him all the way to his bedroom and laid him down but right before he fell asleep, he… kissed me.”

“What?!” Emma exclaimed. “And you’re only telling me this _now?!_ ”

“Look, he didn’t remember it the next day and I didn’t want to bring it up, because it was already really awkward.” He tried to explain but he knew it was a weak excuse.

“So you just pretended it never happened? You knew that he might have had feelings for you for five years and you never told him that you reciprocate them?” Emma said, completely flabbergasted.

“It’s for his own good…” He continued but she cut him off.

“Oh, spare me that nonsense!”

The kettle started to whistle, so Emma got up and turned the stove off. Andries covered his mouth with his hand, trying to find the right words.

“I’m sorry.” He eventually said. “I know it’s hypocritical of me… It’s not that I don’t want to be with him but I’m not sure if I could keep up a serious relationship.”

“You’re wrong.” She said with her back still turned on him and she sounded as if she was holding back a cry. “My old brother would’ve never spoken so openly about his feelings or gone to such lengths to care about mine. You have changed…”

She turned around and crossed her arms, looking at him with watery eyes.

“But there was always this thing about you. You were always scared of letting your guard down. You wanted to stay in control so badly all the time, even when it made others distance themselves from you. If you really want to be with Matthew as you said, then you will have to allow yourself some vulnerability.”

Andries sighed and nodded. She was right.

“So you think I should tell him the truth?”

“If you feel ready.” She nodded. “I know you might not be able to trust me ever again but I want you to have someone that you can.”

Andries got up and stepped closer to her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“I do trust you, _zusje_. And I’m glad to have you back in my life.”

Emma placed her hand on top of his and gave the most sincere smile than she saw from her in a long time.

“I’m glad to have you back too, _broer_.”

xxx

**June 30 1967, Ottawa**

Since the beginning of the year, Matthew had been swamped with preparations for the 100th anniversary of becoming a dominion. He never thought he’d have to work overtime because of his own birthday, but it wasn’t every day one got to celebrate a centennial, so he was equal parts overwhelmed and excited.

Out of all the planned events though, he was definitely looking forward to the state visit from the Netherlands the most. Not only would he be meeting Andries shortly after this year’s Tulip Festival, but this time Juliana, who had since became queen was also coming and he was looking forward to seeing her again.

In the last few years, he had been trying to move on from his crush on Andries. For the most part, he’d say he succeeded. When they were together, they enjoyed their time together, whether it was joining in on an anti-war rally or smoking pot in one of their living rooms – he had no reason to complain. It wasn’t until they eventually had to part and not see each other for months that he felt the pang of guilt for not being brave enough to make a move, for missing another opportunity to confess. But then he would convinced himself again that it was the right thing to do and by the time they met again, he would forget all about it.

This time was different though. This was his 100th anniversary and he was going to celebrate it with Andries. It was bound to be special and memorable and if he didn’t tell him how he felt now, it would forever be a dark spot on an otherwise bright memory. But Matthew didn’t want to think about it that way, so he made sure to shove it as far back in his mind as possible.

They met up at parliament in Ottawa the day before the celebrations to go over the program once more. Matthew was glad to talk to Juliana again, asking her about her daughters and how things were going back home. Andries mostly stayed behind and let them catch up, since he’d be spending the rest of the night at Matthew’s house anyway. After some chatting, they finally got the official part of the meeting over and then Matthew and Andries were free to go.

They finally had the opportunity to do some catching up too, as they walked through the Commissioners Park in the sunset, along the flower fields that sported the tulips that Andries had sent over only a few months ago. It didn’t take long for Matthew to notice that there was something off about Andries. The Dutchman wasn’t known for being very talkative but even so, he was rather quiet, only replying with one-word sentences and nods, and his mind seemed to be somewhere else.

“Hey, Dries…” Matthew stopped, gently grabbing his wrist to make Andries look at him. “Is there something wrong? You seem like you’re not entirely here.”

Andries clenched his teeth and swallowed. He didn’t think he’d have to have this talk this soon but it was probably better to just get it over with. He carefully pulled his wrist out of Matthew’s hand and turned towards him.

“Actually, there is something I need to tell you…” He began. “It’s something I should’ve told you sooner, so I understand if you’ll get mad at me for this.”

Matthew felt his throat tighten. Suddenly he regretted that he asked.

“When I visited you after the missile crisis and after I carried you back home while you were drunk…” Andries took a deep breath. “You kissed me before you passed out.”

Matthew’s jaw dropped and he felt himself breaking out in a cold sweat. He did have a faint memory from that day of doing something he probably shouldn’t have but he wasn’t sure if it was even real. And now it turned out that it was and it wasn’t a small feat either.

“Oh my God…” He face-palmed, wishing that the earth would swallow him. “Dries, I’m sorry, it must’ve been so awkward for you, _oh God…_ I’m so sorry!”

“Matt…” Andries grabbed his shoulders, which made him look up. “It’s no big deal, I wasn’t angry with you or anything, honestly. But I need to know…”

Andries’ green eyes stared right into his violet ones and Matthew felt his stomach sink. He had a solid guess what that question was.

“Are you in love with me?”

In one second, all those feelings that Matthew has tried to push aside and forget about in the last five years suddenly overcame him all at once again, more intensely than ever before. His heartbeat picked up pace and his face turned red with embarrassment.

“Yes.” He muttered, hanging his head.

Andries slowly let go of him, giving him a look that Matthew couldn’t place. Was he angry? Sad? Disappointed?

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked after a few seconds.

Matthew couldn’t hold back a pained chuckle.

“Because I didn’t want you to feel like you owed me a relationship. That’s not what I saved you for. I know it’s inappropriate and I tried to move on, I really did, but there’s something about you that just seems to make everything better in my life and I couldn’t help it and…”

His rambling was abruptly cut off by Andries pressing his lips to his. Matthew froze in shock, his eyes widened and he even forgot to breathe for a moment. After Andries pulled away, he just stared at him in confusion. “What…?”

Andries reached out and cupped Matthew’s cheek in his palm, which felt unusually warm to the touch.

“It’s true, I got to know you because you saved me and for that I’ll always be grateful.” He said. “But I fell in love with you after I got to know you. I don’t want to be with you because I feel like I owe it to you, I just want to. So… if you still think we could… If you could give me a chance…”

Matthew didn’t know what to say, all this felt so incredible. The only thing he could think of was doing the same thing Andries just did. He held onto the taller man’s shoulders and pulled him down into a kiss. The next thing he knew was that a pair of arms wrapped around him and Andries was kissing him back, every bit as intensely as Matthew was. Relief, joy and desperation, he felt them all at once as their lips caressed each other’s, their tongues exploring the other’s mouth, relishing in this new-found intimacy. It was a bliss to finally give in after all the time they had spent denying themselves and their feelings.

Eventually they had to pull away to catch their breaths and Matthew couldn’t stop himself from smiling.

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.” Andries said as he returned the smile. Matthew leaned closer, so he could whisper into his ear.

“Let’s continue at my place.”

xxx

They only stopped briefly at a store before going straight to Matthew’s home, and they could barely keep their hands off of each other the whole time. Their kisses continued as they entered the dully lit bedroom, and they only broke away for a second as Matthew threw the small paper bag with their purchases on the bed before turning back to Andries and kissing him again hungrily, and undoing the buttons of his suit.

“Wait, wait.” Andries said as he broke the kiss. “Are you sure you want to do this now?”

“I think we both waited long enough.” Matthew sighed, putting his arms around Andries’ neck. “But if you don’t want to…”

“No, I do.” Andries nodded as he put his hands on Matthew’s waist. “I was just making sure.”

“Okay then.” Matthew nodded and proceeded to pull Andries’ suit off of him, and undo the buttons on his shirt. Of course he’d seen Andries topless before when they went to the beach or casually lazed around in each other’s homes but this was different. Now Matthew didn’t have to hide how much he actually wanted to touch him and how much he craved  skin-to-skin contact. His hands trembled slightly as he smoothed them across Andries’ chest, up to his shoulders as Matthew pushed the shirt off.

Andries pulled it off the rest of the way and let it fall on the floor before he reached to get Matthew out of his own suit and shirt as well. He knew that Matthew was insecure about the scar on his shoulder, and he saw the hesitation on Matthew’s face as the shirt came off, revealing the burn mark. Andries didn’t say anything, just placed a soft kiss on Matthew’s lips, before trailing off along his jawline and neck, down to his shoulder, kissing over the scarred skin as Matthew reached up and tangled his fingers into Andries’ hair.

Eventually Andries wrapped his arms around Matthew’s waist and gently pushed him towards the bed until Matthew lied down with his back on the mattress. Then Andries moved downwards, placing kisses on Matthew’s chest and stomach along the way. Matthew let out a disappointed grunt when Andries stopped right under his belly button. Andries looked up at him and gave him a smirk before undoing Matthew’s pants, then he stood and removed the shoes and socks before pulling the pants down as well, leaving Matthew in only his underwear. Matthew pushed himself up on his elbows and watched Andries as he finished taking off the rest of his own clothes, leaving on only his boxers. Then Andries crawled back next to him on the bed, placing kisses on his shoulder and neck.

“So… how do you want to do it?” he asked between kisses.

“Well… It’s actually been a while since I’ve done any of this.” Matthew admitted sheepishly.

“It’s okay, I’ll guide you.” Andries nodded and put his palm on Matthew’s chest, gently pushing him back onto the mattress. Their lips joined again and Andries smoothed his hand across Matthew’s chest, tenderly caressing and moving down across his stomach, until he slipped his hand under Matthew’s boxers and slowly stroked him. Matthew gasped into the kiss and instinctively bucked his hips up, digging his fingers into Andries’ hair again as Andries moved back to kissing Matthew’s chest, dragging his teeth against skin and teasing a nipple with his tongue.

Andries could feel Matthew getting hard in his hand and felt his own arousal rise at the sound of Matthew’s moans. He figured it was time and pulled his hand out of Matthew’s boxers, sat up and grabbed the hem before looking up at Matthew, waiting for permission to remove them.

Matthew felt his cheeks flush and his heartbeat pick up pace but he gave a nod. As his erection was revealed, he couldn’t help but cover his face. Why did he feel so embarrassed?

He felt his hand being moved away from his face by Andries and turned his gaze back towards him.

“We can stop if you want to.” Andries said with a slight concern in his voice. Matthew shook his head and gave a reassuring smile.

“I’m fine, really.”

Andries nodded and pecked his face before reaching for the little paper bag that Matthew had tossed on the bed earlier. He pulled out the tube of lubricant and a condom while Matthew pulled his legs up and spread them a little wider, giving him better access. Andries squeezed some lube on his fingers and pushed two into Matthew, who gasped at the sensation, realizing how long it had been. Thankfully, Andries knew what he was doing, slowly loosening him up before adding another finger.

“Relax, you’re too tense.” Andries said and placed a small kiss to his thigh. Matthew realized that he was holding his breath, so he took a few deep breaths, feeling his muscles loosen up. He focused on Andries instead, on the sensation of his fingers stretching him open, the teasing brush of them against his prostate and the involuntary shivers they caused, and the gentle caress of the other man’s lips on his skin. After a few more minutes, Andries pulled out his fingers and reached for a napkin from the box on the nightstand. After cleaning his hand, he picked up the condom to unwrap it, but Matthew sat up and carefully took it from him.

“Mind if I put on for you?” He asked, not wanting Andries to do all the work, he wanted to give as much as he was getting. Andries smiled and nodded, lying down against the pillows and quickly slipped his underwear off.

“Wow.” Matthew muttered without realizing he said it out loud. “Uh, I mean…”

“It’s okay.” Andries chuckled. It had been a long time since he communicated this much during sex. He had become used to it as a raw act that was quickly over, not as something actually about, well, bonding for him. He only hoped he still knew how to be selfless enough.

Matthew carefully rolled the condom on, and then, heart pounding in anticipation, he crawled forward and straddled Andries.

“Ready?” Andries asked, hands resting on Matthew’s hips for guidance.

Matthew sighed before nodding. “Yes, I’m ready.”

He lowered himself while Andries pushed inside, taking it slowly and steadily. He remembered to breathe this time, trying to relax as they both adjusted. Andries closed his eyes and hissed at the tightness and warmth around him, holding onto Matthew’s hips more firmly. He opened his eyes again when he felt Matthew place his hands on his chest. Seeing him like that, completely naked, aroused, with skin gleaming with sweat, face flushed red and eyes shining bright, was fascinating.

“You’re beautiful.” He muttered, possibly making Matthew blush even more.

“I’ve wanted this for so long…” Matthew said quietly but with much excitement.

“Yeah, me too.” Andries replied, letting go of Matthew’s hips and resting his hands on his thighs instead. “Now move, _lieveling_.”

Matthew already knew enough Dutch to know what that word meant. This was the first time Andries used a romantic endearment for him…

He did as he was asked, at first slowly rocking his hips back and forth, feeling Andries deep within him, and gradually picked up the pace as he allowed himself to enjoy the pleasure building in him with every thrust. Andries tried to match Matthew’s rhythm, both of them becoming more vocal as their movements synced. Matthew threw his head back and pushed down hard, causing Andries to cry out and tighten his grip on Matthew’s thighs. Matthew kept going and switched up the tempo, experimenting to figure out which one worked best. He didn’t want this to be over too soon – he wanted them both to enjoy it and cherish every moment of it.

Andries moaned and grunted as Matthew went back and forth between teasingly slow and intensely fast. He could feel his own climax getting closer, but he didn’t want to finish before Matthew did. He quickly sat up, wrapping his arms around Matthew, turning them over and kissing him hard as he continued to pound into him. Matthew was taken by surprise at the position change but quickly adjusted, holding onto Andries’ shoulders and wrapping his legs around his waist to pull him closer.

“D-Dries…” Matthew moaned against Andries’ lips, the friction inside him was sending shivers down his spine. When Andries grabbed his cock and started stroking him again, it drove Matthew over the edge and he released with a loud cry, digging his nails into Andries’ skin. Andries came seconds later at the sensation of Matthew tightening around him. He continued to trust, riding out the orgasm for as long as he could.

As they both came down from their climax, Andries rolled to the side, pulling out of Matthew in the process. Matthew panted as he watched Andries as he disposed of the condom and cleaned himself with the tissues from the nightstand. Eventually, Andries turned back to him, gently wiping Matthew’s abdomen clean from his own cum. Matthew wanted to say he can do it himself, but he felt incredibly tired.

“Are you okay?” Andries asked as he lay down beside him, brushed Matthew’s fallen hair out of his face.

“I haven’t felt this good in a long time.” He smiled and snuggled closer to Andries, resting his head against his chest as Andries put his arms around him. “Did I… do well?”

“You were amazing.” Andries assured him as he gently caressed Matthew’s back. “I hope I wasn’t too rough…”

“Not at all…” Matthew muttered but he could already feel himself dozing off. But he remembered something important that he had to say before sleep took him. “I love you.”

Andries felt his heart clench after hearing those three words. He looked down at Matthew, realizing he was already asleep. Suddenly, a slight panic hit him and he quickly sat up, holding his forehead in his hand. _What did he just do?_ Were they a couple now? If so, in what ways would their relationship change? And more importantly, would he be able to actually uphold this relationship? Thousands of questions ran through his mind and he did not know the answer to any of them.

He remembered what Emma said about being vulnerable and he was starting to understand, but it was hard. This uncertainty was gut-wrenching for him but at the same time, he wanted to find out the answers to those questions. More importantly, he wanted to figure them out together with Matthew.

He sighed to calm himself down and glanced over at the sleeping young man who had stolen his heart. He looked so content and peaceful and Andries wanted to do everything he could to keep it what way. He grabbed the blanket and pulled it over both of them as he lay back down, putting his arm protectively around Matthew again.

xxx

**July 1, 1967**

The lack of body-heat next to him was what woke up Matthew. He reached out blindly but when all he could feel were bed sheets, he opened his eyes to actually see that Andries wasn’t next to him. He jolted up and looked around but Andries was nowhere to be found.

“Dries?” He called out but got no response.

He was about to get out of bed to look around the house when Andries appeared at the bedroom’s door, wet and naked sans the towel around his waist. Matthew stopped mid- motion and felt his face turn warm.

“Sorry, I heard your call but I was in the shower.” Andries said with a smirk as he walked into the room, amused at Matthew’s expression.

“Ah… it’s okay, just for a second there I thought you might have left…” Matthew admitted, rubbing the back of his head. Andries sat down next to him and gently put an arm around his waist.

“I’m not going anywhere, don’t worry.” He said, placing a kiss on Matthew’s cheeck. Then he was silent for a moment before he spoke again. “I don’t think I apologized yet...”

“For what?” Matthew asked.

“For not telling you that you kissed me earlier and holding out on you for so long.” Andries rubbed that back of his neck. “That was a bad move.”

“It’s okay. You just weren’t ready.” Matthew gave a forgiving smile and rested his head on Andries’ shoulder. “And I probably wasn’t ready either.”

“Still… I promised I wouldn’t hurt you and ended up doing it anyway.” Andries sighed. “But I’ll do better from now on, because I want to make this work.”

He took Matthew’s hand and intertwined their fingers. Matthew let out a small but sincere laugh,  looked up and kissed him.

“I want the same.” He said after they pulled away. “I won’t be afraid anymore.”

Andries nodded in agreement.

“Now, you better get ready, _lieveling_. You don’t want to be late for your own birthday.”

 

_End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thanks to everyone who followed this story up until now! To be honest, I never really planned to write further than this point, and considering that it takes me so ridiculously long to update and how tedious research can be for me, I decided to make this the final chapter. Basically, I just wanted to put my own version of how I think Netherlands and Canada got together, and I have accomplished that. In fact, Himaruya actually posted a chapter of Hetalia World Stars where they have a brief interaction pre-WWII, so that did change some of my headcanons but it's way to late to go back and change this story now. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Anyway, I will do one more chapter, which is going to be a short epilogue, just to wrap this up a little more neatly. After that, I don't really think I will be doing multi-chapter stories again. I'm honestly not sure if my writing has gotten any better at all in this chapter. I am much more of an artists who likes to show things through visual means rather than written ones (if you're interested in my art, my art-Tumblr and Deviantart are paarsetulpensart). However, I will still try to write one-shots and post here more often.
> 
> Historical notes (there really aren't that many for this one):
> 
> \- Congo gained independence from Belgium on June 30 1960.  
> \- Princess Juliana became Queen of the Netherlands in 1948. She visited Canada on July 1st of 1967 for the commemoration of Canada's 100th anniversary.
> 
> (Btw, if you want to find that manga chapter I mentioned, just google 'Hetalia World Stars 194'.)


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